The Wanderings (v2!)

It's ok I guess. I noticed you relied heavily on dialogue. It's not the way to go because firstly, it reads like an info dump and secondly, it doesn't allow the readers to show insight on the story or what the hell is happening.

The flow of the story feels a bit disrupted as I read. I think it's because you told too much rather than showing. Try showing the reader to what is happening.

The characters were bland to me. I find them uninteresting and there was nothing that could distinguish them from the rest. I think it's because I haven't read the other chapters, but as an author, it's your job to make each chapter count.

I won't comment on the plot as I have no idea what the hell is happening.

Overall, show don't tell and add depth and emotion onto the piece. Make your story interesting and fresh.

I hope that helped.

Hi, I haven't read the other chapters but this one loosk quite good.

I liked it because you can write Wyes' 'lost boy' character pretty well and your developement looks good. I'll read the rest so taht I can get the gist of what's happening.

Okay, I did NOT expect the convulsing. lol. Good job on the surprise element. And poor Wyes, if it wasn't bad enough that he was alone, now he has this power that he has to learn how to control and...delusions? I'm not sure if he just heard them or if something is really coming.

“Sure, they keep to themselves though. Welcome to the Discerpee mountain range.” Garret pitched in, as he started leading his horse through the passage. “Great…” Wyes replied.

**Lol, my favorite part. Good on spelling and punctuation I didn't see any mistakes, and pretty font!

Keep it up!
~Rieda

[pre]Chapter Eight – Liaend and Beyond

Garret cast a critical eye on Liaend and urged his horse a little further forwards.

“Remember, in Liaend I am William, you are Robert and Helen, my two children.” Garret said, looking sternly at Wyes.

“What?” Robert asked.

“You’re the only one who hasn’t been trained in espionage, thus you need to remember this the most, Robert.” William said.

“Yes, Dad.” Robert replied, rolling his eyes.

“Good, now that we have that settled, try not to talk much.” William remarked, as they reached the town gates.

As the wooden palisades loomed above them, a small slot opened in the gate.

“State your name and business.” A gruff voice came from inside.

“I am William, and this is my son Robert, and daughter Helen. We seek to trade and then continue to Lentu.”

“Isn’t Liaend a bit out of your way?” The same voice enquired.

“We came from Salus, and coming via Liaend meant we did not have to cross the river twice.” William explained.

“Alright then, come on in quickly. There’s strange tales abroad of entire towns being destroyed.”

“Probably some drunkard who saw a forest fire, I’m sure.” William commented.

“Still, best not to take too many risks. The name’s Leo. What kinda goods are ya tradin’?”

“Actually we’re buying, we lost all our wares when crossing the river,” William’s eyes flitted over Robert, his tone darkening slightly, “prices are higher in coastal cities.”

“Ahh, then why not just go to Vivacee? Ya’d get no prices higher.”

“True enough, but we don’t sell high class products. We’d be overshadowed by all the other merchants.”

“Ah I see, well I’ll let ya be on your way. Enjoy your stay.”

“Not bloody likely…” William muttered under his breath, as they walked away.

“Helen, you’re coming with me to buy supplies. Robert, you’re going to the inn to rent our room for the night. We’ll meet in an hour.”

Robert wondered why he’d been sent off on his own, if he was the inexperienced one. He knew Gar-William was up to something, but he didn’t know what. He guessed that William just wanted to keep an eye on Helen, in case she had lied to them, again.

After making his way down the main street, he found the inn quick enough and entered the small building. The room inside had few windows and was mostly lit by candles. There were tables and chairs scattered around in large clusters and a long bench with drinks behind it, and a man cleaning a mug, even though it looked like he was just smearing more filth on.

“Can I help ya?” The man asked, with a scowl. Robert, having never been to an inn, was a little dumbfounded.

“Uh- yeah, I- we… Um, do you have three rooms I can rent for the night?” Robert asked.

“I’ve only got one room left, but it’s big.” Mr. Scowl replied.

“That’ll be fine, thank you.”

******************************************************

By the same time the next day, they were ready to leave. William had talked to various merchants to make sure their story held up, Robert and Helen had bickered like any siblings would, and nobody gave them a second glance.

They were in the process of setting a false trail towards Leggatum, to the northeast, which was a very boring process and allowed Wyes to be alone with his thoughts. He pondered how much he had been through, in the past three weeks; he had found love, he had lost love, he had lost his entire life, he had learnt the seemingly unassuming Garret had a very interesting past, he had learnt he was magical, and he had learnt to ride a horse. Altogether, he had no idea what he was doing.

Eventually they steered back to their original course, heading towards the looming peaks of the Discerpee mountain range. For the most part the mountains were sheer rock walls, some dotted with vegetation, and some capped with snow. Altogether, they made for a very imposing sight. This however, was their intended course.

“We have to go through that?” Wyes asked.

“There’s numerous safe passages through the mountains, and a few unsafe ones too. Ours is a fairly easy route, a gap that runs almost the entire width of the range. Also the only route open to large armies… It’s this mountain range that makes Saygrae so hard to access, and impossible to attack.” Garret replied.

“And also makes it quite a journey every time we travel to and from her.” Ellyra commented.

“A defendable keep is more valuable than a well-built road.” Garret shrugged.

They continued along this path for the entire day, and they slept at the roots of the mountains. Garret took Wyes through another session using magic, exhausting him quite thoroughly.

The next morning, after a quick breakfast, they set out for the mountains. Wyes was unable to see any gap in between them yet, but Garret seemed to be steering them to a particular place, so he followed dutifully. Wyes and Ellyra traded glances every so often, but neither attempted to start a conversation.

Shortly after setting out, Wyes saw the small gap that was their route between the near vertical mountains. He now understood what made these mountains so hard to traverse. The safest route, as Garret had put it, was barely three metres wide.

“It opens up into a valley towards the middle, but the rest doesn’t get much wider than that.” Garret said, understanding Wyes’ incredulous look.

“At least there’ll be breathing room in the valley.” Wyes commented.

“Yeah, as well as all the lovely critters.” Ellyra smirked.

“Critters?” Wyes asked.

“All the usual; bears, wolves, spine-backs, and so on and so forth.” Ellyra grinned.

“They have spine-backs in there?” Wyes looked further down the gap.

“Sure, they keep to themselves though. Welcome to the Discerpee mountain range.” Garret pitched in, as he started leading his horse through the passage.

“Great…” Wyes replied.

******************************************************

The monotony of the pathway was driving Wyes insane, he eventually found himself looking into the sky to pick out shapes amongst the clouds.

“Bored huh?” Ellyra asked, when it seemed like Wyes’ neck had frozen in place.

“Among other things.” Wyes shrugged.

“What was her name?” Ellyra asked, casually.

“Who?” Wyes enquired.

“The girl, from Cible.” Ellyra clarified.

“How’d you know about her?” Wyes asked, eyes widening. It was Ellyra’s turn to shrug.

“One, you talk in your sleep. Two, Garret mentioned her.”

“Why do you want to know?” Wyes’ eyes now reversed directions, narrowing in suspicion.

“Because talking about things, helps you get past them.” She soothed. Wyes felt something hot boil into existence in his chest.

“What if I don’t want to get past them?” He snapped.

“You’ve got to sometime, kid, or you won’t be keep going.” She stated as she rode ahead further to catch up to Garret.

Ellyra sighed in exasperation, when she finally caught up to Garret.
“Touchy kid.” She remarked.

“What do you expect? Everyone he’s ever loved, or known, not to mention his entire life, was destroyed. If we could afford to wait, I wouldn’t have brought him out here until he was ready. But as the fates would have it, I don’t have time to wait.” Garret grumbled.

Wyes gazing up into the heavens, when suddenly everything turned red. The sky burned with fury. The cliff walls melted around him. Skeletal faces emerged from the molten rock, screaming and howling.

“MURDERER!”

“RAPIST!”

“KILLER!”

“DEMON!”

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Stay away from me! You’re wrong, you’re all wrong!” Wyes shouted, falling to the ground and clutching his ears, trying to drown out the voices with his own. Everything spun around him. His voice slowly faded to nothing, along with the world.

Garret heard a thumping sound and turned around. Wyes was on the ground, writhing and convulsing, shouting nonsense.

“Wyes! Wyes!” Garret bellowed, quickly dismounting and running to his side, grasping Wyes’ wrists tightly. “Get his legs! Stop him before he hurts himself!” Ellyra brought her magic to her hands, and let it flow to Wyes’ legs, binding them. She yelped as her magic exploded back towards her, throwing her from her horse. “Use your hands!” Garret barked, still fighting to stop Wyes from tearing his own ears off. Ellyra dived onto his legs, holding them tightly against herself. She struggled and strained, until he finally went limp.

“What in the Ether just happened?” She asked.

“I don’t know, I really don’t know…” Garret laid Wyes gently on the ground, placing one a blanket under his head. “We won’t know anything until he wakes up, and I’m not sure how safe it would be to move him.”

“He broke my binds!” Ellyra exclaimed.

“You seem surprised.” Garret replied.

“He hasn’t had any training.”

“True, but his magic responded unconsciously.”

“Yeah, but only people like yourself, with colossal access to their magic can do that.” Ellyra said. Garret smirked.

“Meaning…?”

“You can’t be serious! Look at him, he doesn’t look like anything special.”

“Neither did I.” Garret shrugged. Ellyra opened her mouth as if to reply, then closed it again. “Exactly.”

As the Sun set over the peaks of the mountains, plunging them into an early dusk, Wyes awoke gasping and groaning.

“No! Stay away! Get away from me!” Wyes screamed, backing up against the wall.

“Whoa! Settle down mate. It’s us, it’s Garret.” Garret soothed. “It’s alright, nothing’s gonna hurt you. Tell us what happened.”

“They-they came out of the walls… Screaming… Lying… I d-didn’t do any of those things!” Wyes shouted.

“It’s okay, it’s okay…” Garret said, helping him to his feet. “Ellyra, water please.” She complied and grabbed a wineskin from the packs and tossed it to him. Garret caught it, uncorked it and handed it to Wyes. He tentatively took a sip, and relaxed a little. “Now, let’s try that again, okay?”

“Everything… Everything turned red, and the walls melted… Faces… they were on fire, they came out of the walls. They c-called me murderer, and demon…” Wyes stammered. Garret glanced at Ellyra, who shrugged.[/pre]

Chapter Seven – On the road again

Wyes wasn’t sure how long he had been crying for, and he didn’t care. He could feel all the pain, all the heartbreak, all the fear build up and slowly drain away. He let it go, knowing it would destroy him if it stayed. He wasn’t conscious of anything anymore, but his pain. Not the sound of battle that had not long ago stopped, not the path beneath his knees, nor the man approaching Garret.

“So do you have a good reason as to why I just had my men rout a raiding party of kobolds, or why we let you into our town?” A short, grizzled man who’s matted dull red hair matched his beard, asked Garret.

“The boy needs a healer.”

“Answer my questions first.”

“Fine. You know of Cible?”

“The small township out west? Yes I know of it. Why do you ask?”

“It was destroyed nine days ago, by agents of our hibrido King. They demanded taxes too steep for us to pay, and when we gave them what we could they said they’d accept it, and then a few days later the town was burnt to the ground. My nephew Wyes and I were out hunting when they came, and by the time we returned there was nothing we could do. The boy raced into the flames looking for the rest of his family and his arm was badly burnt before I could get him back out. We had no choice but to come here to stay, at least until we can find somewhere to pick up a new trade.” Garret said quietly, effortlessly altering their story where it suited.

“And what of your weapons? Why would two hunters need such magnificent swords? And why are you the only one with a bow?” The grizzled man asked, untrustingly.

“I was a soldier in the Old King’s army, and the swords were a reward for our actions in a skirmish against the barbarians from the north. My comrade however fell ill later, and left me his sword to give to who I saw fit. The boy was curious about it, I taught him how to use it and eventually I gave it to him. As for his bow, it was lost in the fire.”

“I see. I… am sorry to hear such bad news. But these are hard times, as you surely know, and a man can’t be too careful. I’ll go fetch the healer, none of our men were injured.” The man replied, before offering a smile that looked more like a grimace.

Wyes was still sobbing quietly when the young healer arrived, and tried to pry the younger man from the older, only to find him clinging on for dear life.

“Can you make him let go?” She asked. Garret looked down and realised just how tightly Wyes was holding him.

“Uh, I don’t think so.”

“Then would you mind following me?”
“Of course.”

Garret tried to stand up and soon discovered Wyes didn’t want to walk. He sighed and picked the smaller boy up, and carried him as the healer guided them to a large building with the healer’s symbol above the door. She opened it for Garret and Wyes, and then let herself in and closed the door behind her.

“My name’s Helen, welcome to the Salus healer’s complex, I’ll be your head healer for today.” Helen said, in a tone heavily laced with sarcasm.

“Aren’t you a little young to be a head healer? I thought you would’ve been an apprentice.” Garret enquired, and gulped as the young woman shot daggers from her eyes.

“I’ll have you know I’m twenty two, and am a fully qualified healer.”

“But how did you become head healer? I thought it went by seniority.”

“It does… The man who taught me died just over a year ago, when we were attacked by bandits.”

“I remember hearing about that. Is he the man that took an arrow for that young boy, then fought on until he finally died?”

“The one and only… brave old codger, even if he was a bit strict. Enough of that though, what did you need me for?”

“His arm was badly burnt in Cible, I dressed it as best as I could, but healing isn’t my field of expertise.” Helen nodded and slowly unravelled the improvised bandage, to inspect the wound.

“Set him down over there.” She pointed to a small cot and went off into an adjacent room. After spending a few minutes going through various herbs and medicinal plant extracts, she returned with a few jars and clean bandages. “You did a fairly good job with this, but you tied the bandage too tightly and it’s increased the swelling of the wound. How long ago did he sustain this injury?”

“Nine days ago.” She looked at him strangely.

“Are you sure? This burn looks at least three weeks old.” Garret shrugged.

“I saw his arm when it caught fire.”

Frowning, Helen went to work. She grabbed a bowl of water and a rag and returned to Wyes’ bed, and put the wet rag on his arm, and began to scrub gently.

“This will heal on its own, but he’ll always have a scar there, and I’d rather clean it to make sure it doesn’t get infected, if it does he could lose his whole arm.” She rubbed a few of the herbs into Wyes’ arm tentatively at first, and then a little quicker when Wyes didn’t react. She put the still damp rag over the burn and then used the clean bandages to hold it there.

“What happened?”

“His arm was burnt in Cible.”

“I got that much, I mean what happened in Cible?”

“You remember the tax increase, a few months back?”
She nodded.

“Cible couldn’t produce enough to meet their demands, we gave them what we could though. The taxman gave us the impression that that’d be fine for now, and then a few days later they burnt Cible to the ground. My nephew and me were out hunting, we came back and he ran in to find his mother, and his adibtay. They’d both been… He’d passed out in the smoke, and when I found him his arm had just caught fire. He was out for three days, then we came here to find a proper healer.”

“That’s horrible! Why would Mawvaye do something like that? It might spur the rest of the towns into rebellion.”

“Or scare them out of their wits so nobody dares rebel.”

“Well, he won’t be King for long if he keeps this up.”

“Heh, nobody ever accredited him with a whole lot of intelligence.”

“True enough. What are you two going to do now that Cible’s gone?”
Garret shrugged and didn’t answer. In truth, he’d had a number of ideas, but he didn’t feel like voicing them just yet, and especially not to a stranger “Still, out for three days you say? Even inhaling that much smoke wouldn’t do that to a person… I’ve never heard of anything like it.”
‘I have.’ Garrett thought. While he’d been concerned for Wyes, he was well aware of what the consequences might be.

************************************************************

Wyes awoke feeling warmer, and somehow lighter than he had been, since they’d left Cible. He was still torn up inside from what he’d seen, but he didn’t feel like he was going to explode from it anymore.

He opened his eyes and saw a young woman standing above him, with bright pink hair and icy-blue eyes, but then he blinked and he found himself looking upon quite a different face. This woman’s hair was golden, and her eyes were a much deeper shade of blue. He rubbed his eyes, and shrugged it off as a trick of the light.

“Back to the land of the living, I see.” She said. “Any aches or pains?” Wyes shook his head and tried to sit up. The unknown woman put a hand on his chest and pressed him back down. “Uh-uh,” she said and wagged a finger, “you’re not leaving that bed until I say you can.” Wyes groaned.

After lying in bed for what seemed like half a day, Garret returned to Wyes’ bedside.

“How’re you feeling?” He asked, glancing at the Healer who was arranging things in a cabinet.

“Better,” he flexed his arm a little, “no more pain.”

“Listen… I know you want to go after the men who attacked Cible, but you’re nowhere near ready to take them on, mate. If you come with me back to where I was trained, they can teach you.” Garret whispered. Wyes’ eyes widened a little.

“How far away is it?”

“It’d probably take us a month on foot. However, if we can get a hold of horses, we could probably do it in two weeks.”

“Where are we going to get the gold for two horses?”

“Don’t you worry about that.” Garret said with a wink. “How long until he’s ready to leave, ma’am?” He asked the Healer.

“Another day at least, and don’t call me ma’am… Makes me feel old. Helen will be fine.”

“Thank you, Helen.”

************************************************************

Garret booked himself a room in the town’s Inn, the Polished Pauper, and started going through a mental inventory of what they’d need. Knowing that carrying two weeks worth of supplies with them would be problematic, he chose a course that would let them resupply after one week. Part of him couldn’t wait to go back, and part of him dreaded it. On one hand he’d be going back to his friends, but she wouldn’t be there, and that would always be a hole.

He knew Wyes had kept his emotions under check while they were still in danger, which led to his breakdown when they finally arrived at Salus. And now he was hiding the pain again, not wanting to breakdown. He resolved to talk to Wyes about it when they set out again, when they’d have more privacy.

He was brought out of his reverie by a knock at the door. He stretched out his rusted limbs and climbed off the bed, and opened the door. Helen pushed her way into his room and quickly shut the door, and glanced around the room making sure they were alone.

“Can I come with you?” Helen asked quickly, as if she were afraid to say it.

“Pardon?” Garret replied, stunned.

“I overheard you talking with your nephew… Can I come with you?”

“But- I mean… Uh, why?”

“You don’t know what it’s like here for me… Most of them refuse to see me as a full healer, and others yet blame me f-for his death. They say I could’ve saved him, or that he died because I wasn’t experienced enough to save him. They’re always sneering, or making snide remarks under their breath. I can’t treat people who talk to me like that, but I don’t have anywhere else to go!” She exclaimed.

“What do you expect to find if you come with us?” Garret frowned, not wanting to have to drag their feet so that she could keep up.

“Well, judging from your lovely accumulation of scars, you’re prone to mishaps, and a Healer could be useful until you get where you’re going. Plus, I hear you’re in the market for horses, and I just happen to own two. Comes with the territory, just in case I need to get somewhere fast. You’d only need to find one more.”

“You drive a hard bargain. Alright, you can come, but only as far as Liaend. After that it’s not safe for you to follow us.”

“If you’re referring to Saygrae, then I assure you I’m well aware of the risks.

“H- That’s s- …How in the Ether do you know about that?”

“Had a man in here not so long ago, needed me to help him get a hold of a few choice items, but I made him tell me what for.”

“…His name and general appearance, if you please.” Garret said as he rolled his eyes. “We’ll see what happens between now and Liaend, but you’re not to tell anyone of Saygrae, it’s a secret for a reason.”

“My lips are sewn.” She smirked.

************************************************************

Wyes looked at the expanse of grassland before them, and then back at Salus, whose gates had just closed.

“Well, here we are. On the road again.” Garret said, with a wry grin.

“Just for the record, I’d like to point out that a large grassy field
doesn’t count as a road.” Wyes remarked.

“Bah, details, details.” Garret waved Wyes’ comment away. Helen shot them a questioning glance.

By nightfall, Wyes had well and truly discovering the pleasures of sitting in a saddle bouncing up and down non-stop for long periods of time. He was relieved to find himself walking on his own two legs again, even if they were painful to walk on at first. Garret and Helen didn’t seem to be phased by it, and Helen couldn’t help but giggle as Wyes hobbled to a decent sized rock to sit on.

“Anybody would think you’d never ridden a day in your life.” She sniggered.

“I haven’t.” Wyes groaned, massaging his rather tender behind.

“And how isn’t it a hunter in training such as yourself, has never ridden a horse before?”

“Well, uh…” Wyes stammered.

“No, I thought not. Why don’t you two tell me who you really are?”
“I thought that’d be fairly obvious, seeming we’re headed to Saygrae.” Garret answered.

“Not quite. What I want to know,” She said, as her face slowly morphed, her eyes becoming an icy blue and her hair a shocking pink, “is why you look like a dead man.”

“I knew something felt a little off about you…” Garret muttered, as she drew a rapier quick as a bolt of lightning, and pressed it to Garret’s throat. Her other hand shot out towards Wyes and he soon found himself dangling in the air, unable to move.

“Hey!”

“What are your names, and what is your purpose in Saygrae?”

“You already know the boy’s name is Wyes, and mine is Garret.” Helen’s eyebrows rose slightly.

“You dare claim to be the Garret?”

“Oh, so I’m the Garret now, am I?” He chuckled, and stopped abruptly as the rapier was pushed a little harder against his neck.

“Prove it.” She challenged. Garret shrugged and flicked out a finger. The rapier found itself impeded in a nearby tree.

“Release the boy.” Wyes dropped to the ground unceremoniously. “Now, would you care to tell me why you have insisted on tagging along and attacking my friend and I?”

“So he’s not your nephew anymore?” She replied.

“Answer, please.”

“I am Ellyra. I was posted in Salus to warn Saygrae if the Four were coming. Everybody thought you were dead, Garret… We thought Mawvaye had killed you. I thought you were an impostor trying to get into Saygrae, to spy for him.”

“Right… First of all, why would he spy on Saygrae? And two, who the hell is the Four?” Garret asked, completely bewildered.

“To find out who and where our front guards are. And surely you’ve heard of the Four, seeming they were the ones who destroyed Cible.”

“My dreams!” Wyes shouted.

“Your dreams?” She asked, quizzically.

“Can you describe the Four to us?” Garret asked.

“One big guy, long blonde hair, huge muscles. Two average sized, one with short brown hair, the other with blond. And one smaller fellow, with a bald head.” Garret looked at Wyes, who nodded. “Uh, what?” Ellyra enquired.

“We’ll explain later. How do I know you are who you say you are?”

“This is laughter for chickens.”

“Well then, I guess it’ll be safe to sleep with both eyes closed tonight, then.” Garret chuckled. “You kids get younger every year, I swear.”

Now it was Wyes’ turn to be confused.

“Huh? I don’t get it.”

“It’s a code phrase that we use to identify unfamiliar field agents. I think this is actually the first time it’s been used…” Garret explained.

************************************************************

Wyes leapt off his horse and ran to the little stream as fast as he could. Their water skins had run out that morning, and the sun had been beating down on their backs since dawn. He bent down and started scooping water into his mouth, guzzling down half of the stream before his third was quenched.

“Yikes, slow down kid, you’ll make yourself sick.” Ellyra said.

“I’m not that much younger than you, you know.” Wyes pointed out.

“Alright then, how old are you?” She said, sizing him up. Wyes pretended to count his fingers for a moment, before exclaiming,

“Nineteen!”

“Is he counting how many times he nearly fell off his horse?” Garret butted in, bringing over their water skins to refill them. Ellyra sniggered, and Wyes pouted. Garret still hadn’t found the time to talk to him about Cible, as he hardly wanted to bring up the subject in front of a stranger.

“How much further to Liaend?” Wyes asked.

“Another two days. We shouldn’t stay there longer than we need to, don’t want our story getting spread around too much.” Garret replied.

“Speaking of your story, isn’t it a little strange that the Four killed everyone, if Mawvaye wanted to make an example of it?”

“I expect that they got a little carried away, and were meant to leave a few survivors.”

“Still, wiping out an entire town in just a few hours is a huge deal, even for them…”

“The small one was burning everything… He threw fire from his hands, and laughed like a kid playing with a toy sword. Didn’t care that people around him were dying, didn’t care that he was causing it, didn’t-“ Wyes’ voice cracked, and he blinked back the tears that tried to spring from his eyes. “I-I just wish there was some way I could stop them. But I’m just Wyes, the farm boy. What can I do? What am I supposed to do?” His voice dropped down to the barest whisper, “I just want to go home…”

************************************************************

Night had returned again, and Garret decided to start Wyes’ lessons.
“The most important thing to remember is, nobody succeeds on the first try. With that said, you’re going to try to succeed anyway. Now, just focus on the rock, and will it to move.”

Wyes concentrated on the rock, and repeated in his head ‘Move, move, move, move.” He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, in a vain attempt to concentrate harder.

“Whoa, whoa, I said will it to move, not bite your tongue off.” Garret said, after Wyes’ face started turning bright red. “Try picturing it moving in your mind, then want to make that happen. Try moving your hand how you want the rock to move, it helps some people concentrate.”

Wyes tried again, this time picturing the rock moving and moving his hand along with it. He thought about it, with more force, and felt a mental waterfall of power rush through his mind. His eyes sprang open and inspected the rock. It had rolled over once, in the direction his hand had been moving.

“Well, that’s better than most people achieve in their first day. Not bad, not bad at all.” Garret said.

The lessons proceeded like this, gradually increasing in difficulty and with more complex objects. After what seemed like hours, they finally stopped and Wyes felt exhausted.

Ellyra had already gone to sleep, and Wyes glanced at her sleeping form before collapsing into his own makeshift bed.

Just finished putting this in my portable USB. I have been wanting to read more for a long time >< Never knew you put this up here. I will try and get you a review ASAP

I really enjoyed this one. Everything is coming together really well. And awwww, Wyes is crying, he's such a baby lol jk.
I'm glad we're starting to learn more about Garret and that he's teaching Wyes magic, that should be really awesome.
I couldn't find any spelling errors. I think this was one of the best chapters...also the longest but full of entertainment. Can't wait for the next chapter!

~Rieda

Chapter Six – Salus
Wyes was staring warily at Garret, recognizing the strange ability that the four from his nightmares possessed.

“What is this?” Wyes asked.

“Magic. Or, magie if I were to use the original term.” Wyes looked at him as if he’d grown another head.

“The men in my dreams-"
“Used magic, yes.”

“You-"

“I am nothing like them. They revel in killing, I loathe it.”

“Who are you?” Garret smirked.

“I am Garret. I have never lied to you about my name.”

“ But that doesn’t answer my question.” Wyes’ eyes narrowed slightly. Garret sighed.

“We’ll go back to the camp site, so you can be comfortable to hear this story.”

“Why should I follow you anywhere? For all I know you could have planned that entire attack!” Wyes was on the verge of hysteria. Garret rolled his eyes.

“I have never hidden myself from you, I have never told you anything but the truth. If you do not wish to accept this, do not want to hear my story, then you may as well leave now. However, if you can accept this fact, then you will come with me back to the camp site where I will explain as much as I can.” Wyes turned around for a moment, and took a deep breath. Garret watched, heart in throat, as he watched his closest friend for a decade turn his back. Wyes took another few breaths. And turned around again.
Relief flooded through Garret, and Wyes appeared to have himself more composed.

“I’m sorry, I’ll come.” Wyes acquiesced. Garret put the forgotten arrow that he had used to slay the rabbit back into its quiver, readjusted his grip on the rabbit, and set back off for their camp.

By the time they arrived, Wyes had settled down considerably and was ready to hear Garret’s tale. Garret got himself comfortable, took a few breaths, and began.

“I came to Cible when you were around five or six winters old. Before I came to dwell there, I was living elsewhere. To the far South of this Realm, there was a small… village, that I came from. In this village, which I shall not name yet, there was an abundance of magic users like myself. They have very special academies set up to help nurture these people, and teach them certain skills that they may need. Some of us continued our training for longer than others, like myself, my wife, and… an old friend, Mawvaye.” Wyes grimaced. “Mawvaye, however, discovered that he didn’t need to follow the Elders’ rules, and he went renegade. He gathered some of the other magical inhabitants and ventured forth on a crusade to cleanse the land of everything unholy. At least, that’s what he told his followers. In truth he wanted nothing more than simple power, and when his faithful servants were no longer useful to him, he killed them all and invoked a ritual to enhance his own abilities through their deaths. At this point, after much deliberation from the Elders’, myself, my wife though we had only just been wed, a dear friend of mine, and three other men and women who I came to befriend in our time together, were sent to stop him. It was believed that together we’d be able to bring Mawvaye to justice… A mistake cost my beloved,” Garret’s voice broke, and he cleared his throat before continuing again, “and my brethren their lives. And if it hadn’t been for my Bella, I would not be here today.” Garret didn’t try to hide his tears, his beloved had taught him it takes the strongest man to cry.

Wyes blinked back his own tears, and embraced Garret as he used to.
“I didn’t mean to doubt you.” Garret only nodded, not trusting his voice.

*************************************************************

Wyes spooned down his slop quickly, ignoring the taste and occasionally glancing at Garret. They hadn’t talked since the incident, neither of them knowing what to say to the other. But night came, and at last he took a leap of faith and asked a question that had been bugging him.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? It would’ve explained a lot of things.” Garret shrugged.

“Everything you knew died a week ago, you were injured and unconscious for four of those, and as far as I can tell, you still haven’t come to terms with what happened. I didn’t want to burden you with too much too soon.”

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t cried, you haven’t gotten unreasonably angry, nothing. You don’t talk quite as much as you used to, and don’t tell quite as many jokes, but that’s the only difference I can see.”

It was Wyes’ turn to shrug, as he finished cleaning out the last remnants of food from his bowl.

“How long until we reach Salus?” Wyes asked, handing the bowl back to Garret so he could clean it out.

“I’m not sure, since you healed we’ve been moving faster than I thought we could, so maybe a week. I’m going to have to start rationing out our food into smaller portions, or we’ll run out before then.” Wyes nodded, and sat near their small fire warming his hands.

“Could you have done anything to stop them?”

“Not by myself, no. Too many angles for them to attack from, I’d need someone to cover my back.” Wyes stared into the fire for a minute, and made his decision.

“Could you train me to use magic?” Garret sighed, and moved closer to Wyes.

“Not everybody has the ability, and some are better with it than others. Even if you do have the ability, there’s no certainty that you’d be able to use it well enough for it to be useful.”

“ I’d still like to learn.”

“ Alright, but there are other risks involved. I’ll need to delve deep into your mind, body, and soul, to determine if you can, how well you’d be able to, and what you’d use it for. If you do not trust me absolutely, there is a good chance it will fail and you’ll be killed in the process.”

“I’ll still do it.”

“Then let’s start, there’s no time like the present.”

***********************************************************

Garret had Wyes lying on his back, arms, and legs outstretched. He had to breath at a steady pace, and let his body relax. Garret had said that the more tensed he was, the harder the whole process would be.

Garret sat next to him and got comfortable, allowing himself to relax and slip into a higher state of mind. Once there, he guided one hand to the centre of Wyes’ forehead and let a tendril of himself flow into Wyes. He began his search slowly, starting with his mind. He was looking for an invisible force that would mark his link to magic.

He wasn’t expecting to find it immediately, and then discover that unlike others he had seen in his time, he could not discern how large it was. However, he continued on and subconsciously moved his hand to Wyes’ heart, where he inspected his body’s capability for channelling magic.
This was easily accomplished by setting up a type of magical relay, where he would send his own magic on a circuit through Wyes’ body and then feel how much power would make it back to him. The more magic that made it back, the better Wyes’ ability to channel magic would be. He set this up with practised ease and built up a small amount of magic to use, and released it into the circuit. Garret almost jumped in shock when his power returned to him almost instantly, in full force.

Putting this new information to the back of his mind where he could process it later, his hand moved once again to the centre of Wyes’ torso, his solar plexus, and felt the presence of his soul. He found that the soul of a person, their essence, varied dramatically between people. It was like a scent, not entirely tangible, maybe not completely necessary, but it was there and it added to a human and made them an individual, rather than a tool. Wyes’ scent was what he had come to expect, somewhat sweet but with a slight bitterness that gave it an edge.

Garret grinned in his mind as he slowly withdrew himself from Wyes, and pried his eyes open. He tried to control his breathing, feeling as if he had just ran the length of the continent, as he crawled to his bed and collapsed. He had neglected to mention to Wyes that the process would induce a dreamless sleep, and tire out Garret to such an extent that slumber would soon take him too. He grinned as his eyes drooped, and he dreamed of what could be.

*********************************************************

Wyes awoke and found that for once, he had risen before Garret. He also discovered that he had not dreamt last night, and that he felt better than he had since Cible.

‘I wonder what happened.’ Wyes thought as he began examining himself to see if he was different. He stood up and stretched each limb individually, searching for any telltale signs of stiffness or injury. Hope surged through Wyes, and he quickly unwrapped the bandages on his arm, getting excited when there was no pain.

The last layer of bandages fell away. Wyes scowled, and the hope he had allowed himself to feel disappeared. The burn had not been healed, though it did seem somewhat faded. He rolled his shoulder for a while, then experimentally flexed his arm. It felt normal to him. Wyes grinned.
A long while later, Garret finally opened his eyes.

“Back from the land of nod, I see.”

“Do you have to make such bad jokes this early in the morning?” Garret groaned as he climbed from his bed.

“Well, you told me last night I wasn’t making enough jokes…”

“True, but that doesn’t mean take every opportunity no matter how bad.” Wyes grinned.

“So, how did it go?” Wyes asked. Garret stretched his neck, and was rewarded with a loud crack.

“Fairly well, I can teach you.”

“When do we start?”

“Not until we get to Salus, I don’t want to wear us out too much. Give me a minute and we can leave.” Garret started clearing up his makeshift bed, and packing everything onto the improvised stretcher to make carrying it all easier.

Once again, they were on their way, making more progress than Garret could have ever hoped. He was still wary of letting Wyes use his burnt arm too much, lest it should not heal properly and leave it useless. He took in his surroundings wearily. They’d been travelling along these relatively flat grasslands for two days and food had become scarce. Not for the first time, he was glad that he’d been wearing his good boots. But eventually those would wear out too, and he’d have to buy or make new ones. Unfortunately, Wyes’ boots had already started to fall apart and he wasn’t sure if they’d last long enough to get them to Salus, which was still a good four days away by his reckoning.

A long while later, Garret checked their position against the sun again, and found it almost on the horizon.

“Nightfall is coming, but we can keep going all night and reach Salus sooner. Your arm might feel better but it’s far from fine, and I want an experienced healer to look at it. What do you think, mate?” Wyes opted to press on, encouraged by how his night of rest had left him feeling.

Wyes shivered and crossed his arms for warmth, not realising that the night would bring such a vicious chill. He tried to distract himself by counting the stars, but always forgot which ones he had counted or double counted them when they continued to move. Giving up his futile effort he refocused his attention to Garret ahead of him, who had slowed down almost to a crawl. He ducked behind a nearby rock formation and motioned for Wyes to join him.

Wyes scooted swiftly to Garret, darting from rock to rock until he reached him.

“Kobold scouting party just ahead.” Garret whispered.

“What do we do?” Wyes asked, peering over the rock to spot a small group of almost reptilian creatures, standing four feet tall with crude spears in their claws. They turned their pointed snouts this way and that, as if sensing danger nearby.

“Hide and hope they don’t smell us. We can handle a little group like that, but those little buggers run quick as demons, and I don’t fancy letting one of them warn their tribe.”

“Oh, lovely.” Wyes stole another look at them, and his heart began to race. “They’ve stopped.” Garret peeked over the rock and swore quietly. He took the bow of his back and notched an arrow.

“We must be downwind, they’ll figure it out soon enough. We need to act quickly, you have your sword?” Wyes nodded and reached a hand into his jacket near his hip. “Three…” Garret took aim and pulled the string taught, “Two…” Wyes tightened his grip, “One!”

Garret’s arrow tore through the air and imbedded itself into the throat of the largest kobold, and he quickly deserted the bow and signalled Wyes to follow him as they drew their swords.

The four remaining kobolds released reptilian hisses as their comrade fell, and they shook their small spears at the two humans that were descending upon them.

Wyes felt adrenaline racing through his veins as he knocked the first thrust from the little beast off to the side, and returned in kind. It quickly leaped back from the path of the blade and swung it’s spear like a club at his head. Wyes parried with his sword and brought the sword back down in a diagonal arc, hoping to catch the kobold unaware. However, it merely sidestepped and tried to put its spear through Wyes’ kneecap. Wyes saw the spearhead flying towards his leg, sidestepped, and thrust his sword forwards again.

He felt the sword pierce the rough leather of his opponent’s armour and into its flesh and back out again. Wyes watched its eyes go wide in pain and then glaze over, as it fell from his sword and fell into a pool of brown liquid.

“Wyes! Stop gaping and chase that little bugger down!” Garret’s voice pulled Wyes from his reverie, and he started chasing after the fleeing kobold that had escaped the fate of its three comrades. Garret was hot on his heels and they sped across the ground. But the kobold moved faster and soon they lost sight of it as it disappeared into a line of trees.

“Mawdyer les Dee dy hibrido larvu!” Garret swore angrily. “Come on, we need to go.” They flew back to where they’d left the bow and stretcher, shouldered the packs (with some pain on Wyes’ part), and started for Salus again at a slow jog.

“Don’t we need to go faster?”

“If we go faster we’ll just get tired quicker, and it’ll take them a little while to mobilise a party big enough to hunt us down. Less talk now, we’ll tire quicker.”

************************************************************

When dawn finally peeked over the horizon, Wyes’ lungs were burning, his legs sore, feet blistered, and his shoulder was aching. Garret looked like he could keep it up for another few days, and he probably could.
“How long?” Wyes gasped out.

“Not long! We’ll be there by noon!”

For the first time since they’d started their mad dash for safety, Wyes looked back over his shoulder and saw a small shadow chasing them across the grasslands. He looked forwards again and began searching the horizon for Salus. Wyes couldn’t find it, and thought that his eyes must be worse than Garret’s.

When Wyes finally saw the telltale dot of their destination in the landscape ahead, Garret gave him a short reprieve and gauged the distance between them, Salus, and the kobolds. Wyes fell to the ground and gasped, trying not to pass out.

“If you have anything in your pack that’s dear to you or essential to us, put it in your pockets and leave everything else behind. We need to run faster if we want to make it to Salus before the kobolds overrun us. Let’s hope that the townspeople grant us refuge, or we’ll be in a spot of trouble.” Garret stated understatedly.

“What? Why wouldn’t they let us in?”

“Well, I’m sure they’re going to love us for bringing a hunting party of kobolds to their gates…” Garret let the sentence hang.

Wyes looked through his pack with renewed vigour, and finding nothing but old clothes, he left the pack where it was. Garret however, took out a small jingling bag out of the pack and into his pocket, along with something that Wyes didn’t quite see, and left his pack on the ground.

“Alright, the race is on.” Garret said, and they started to run. Wyes’ muscles complained vehemently but he ignored them knowing what was at stake if they stopped. They ate away at the leagues separating them and Salus, with the kobolds gaining on them at an alarming rate.

“Don’t look back! Stay focused on Salus!” Garret called out, as Wyes started to fall behind. His lungs were on fire and his muscles too. He couldn’t keep it up and they still had another league to cross before they made it to Salus, and the safety of its walls. Garret frowned and slowed down a little. “Give me your hand.” Wyes did so, and Garret’s frown deepened. Wyes felt a surge of energy pass into him, and some of his fatigue was relieved. Wyes quickened a little to keep up with Garret’s pace and they continued.

They were within bowshot of Salus when Garret stopped. Wyes skidded to a halt and looked towards Salus, to see what had made Garret stop. All he could see was a few archers on the walls, looking at them curiously, and the gates were open too. He couldn’t understand what had made Garret stop, until he turned around.

The kobolds were almost upon them, and some of them had just thrown spears. Garret widened his stance and shot his hands forward. Wyes gaped as the spears stopped in midair, and Garret made a lazy downward motion with his fingers and the spears returned to their owners at high velocity. A few kobolds crumpled and no more spears were thrown.

Garret spun on his heel and began running towards the gates of Salus again. Wyes stood on the spot for a moment, before regaining his senses and bolting after him. The wooden palisades of Salus loomed over them and the gates began to close slowly. Wyes put on a new burst of speed and shot through the narrowing gap. Garret came soon after him, and the gates clashed shut behind them. The sound of dozens of small bodies crashing into the walls was heard, as well as the song of bowstrings being released.
Wyes fell to his knees and covered his face with his hands as he began to sob. Garret was torn between going up and helping, and staying here with Wyes. After glancing up at the walls, he decided they had it under control. He approached Wyes and awkwardly put his arms around the smaller boy, who turned to sob onto Garret’s shoulder. Garret patted his back and let him cry.

“Let it all out, mate. That’s the way.” Garret said comfortingly.

loved it!
t'was sad though.....
i loved the story line, reminded me a bit of Eragon, but with some twists.
The mud fight was cute, very original and fun.
keep going, i wanna read moorrreee!
EsKiMo EtHaN

The Wanderings Glossary

Common translations
Feeglu dy mayali, Sons of pigs
Feeglio dy un mayaleh, Son of a pig
Mawdyer les Deeu, Curse the Gods
Hibrido feeglio dy un larva, Bastard son of a maggot

Word for Word
Feeglio, Son.
Feeglu, Sons.
Fyli, Daughter
Fylu, Daughters
Dy, Of.
Un, A.
Les, The.
Zu, To.
Voy, You.
Devenu, Become.
Mayaleh, Pig.
Mayalu, Pigs.
Mawdyer, Curse.
Mawdyu, Curses.
Deeu, Gods.
Dee, God.
Larva, Maggot.
Larvu, Maggots.
Hibrido, Bastard.
Hibridu, Bastards.
Magie, Magic.
Mague, Magical.

Aww, poor Wyes. It's bad enough that Alexa died and now he can barely move and has terrible nightmares? So far this is turning out really good. I'd say that out of everything in this chapter I saw little setting. Now that they're actually moving though, you'd probably expand those parts but I think the nature might calm Wyes' nerves just a little bit, get his mind off of the things that are making him have these nightmares. That's it. Basically something that can be taken care of in the next chapter . Great job

~Rieda

Chapter Five – Nightmares

Garret took the bandages off Wyes’ left arm and checked the burns again. When he had found him lying unconscious on Alexa’s body, his left arm had just caught fire and he had quickly extinguished them, but not quick enough for Wyes not to suffer any burns. Garret knew the injuries were just superficial, the real damage lay in his heart and mind. He redressed Wyes’ arm and started to prepare a fire. His house had been burnt down along with Cible, of which only smouldering ruins remained.
Without having anything to treat Wyes’ wounds properly, but not being able to move him, Garret had made improvised bandages out part of his shirt. Once he had healed enough for them to travel, Garret would have to take him to the nearest town for more treatment. Garret was thankful that he carried the majority of his money on him, not trusting it to be stolen. He wouldn’t have been able to pay for it otherwise.
Garret had spent the next few days checking Wyes’ injuries, while slowly making a stretcher for him. Even though Wyes woke up every now and then, it was never more than a few minutes. He had barely had anything to eat or drink in three days and Garret was worried. He’d decided that he had to risk moving him or he would die anyway. The only problem with the stretcher he’d made is that the only way to move it would be to drag it, as he couldn’t carry Wyes the entire way. He was also concerned that in all his tossing and turning he might fall off the stretcher and get his wounds dirty. The last thing he needed was an infection.
Garret would pull him along all day, and then at dusk, he would make a fire, lay Wyes near it, and go hunting for their dinner. Every time he came back with an animal of some sort, and every time Wyes would be lying in the same position that Garret had left him in.

*************************************************************

Wyes saw Alexa standing in flames, staring at him as the fire consumed her flesh. She was reaching out for him, calling his name. Accusing him. He wanted to turn away as her skin started to melt, revealing flesh and bone, but he could not.
He was standing outside of the gates, with a vicious scimitar in his hand. His hand thrust out and an invisible force grabbed the sentry by his throat and then he ran his weapon through the sentry’s heart.
Wyes walked up to the gates, and pushed with his now bulging and sinewed arms and watched the gates give way under his might. He walked through the gate, drew a huge sword from a scabbard on his back, swung it brutally, and crushed an elderly woman’s skull.
Wyes had a thin sabre in his left hand, and with a quick jab, ran a young man through. He turned and threw balls of fire from his hand, that exploded as they struck buildings and people alike.
He had a falchion now, and quickly spun around and used the momentum to lop off one of the guards’ heads, and then turned around and made a gesture at one of the other guards, and watched as his neck snapped and he slumped to the ground bonelessly. Wyes felt a sadistic smile creep onto his face, as he revelled in the destruction.
Wyes was holding the huge great sword again, and was towering over a young woman. She didn’t scream, which he thought was odd, most people screamed. This one was different, but he could make her scream. He grinned as he put his sword back into it’s scabbard and-

Wyes woke with a start, and shuddered. He tried to ignore the dream, he’d been having it over and over again. He was just glad that he never had to see the end. He looked over and saw Garret sitting next to a small fire, stirring the contents of a pot he was holding. He tried to sit up but quickly found he didn’t have the strength to. The movement also put pressure on his arm, sending pain shooting through his body. His hiss of pain drew Garret to his side, who walked over and felt his forehead.
“You’ve been out for four days, but I can’t figure out why. The burn on your arm shouldn’t have even made you pass out, however it’s made it difficult to move you. We’re heading towards Salus, but it could be another two weeks before we make it there.” Garret informed Wyes, as he retreated to grab the pot he’d been stirring. “You haven’t eaten anything since I found you, so you’re probably feelings very weak right now. He brought the spoon of slop to Wyes’ mouth and made him eat it, despite the look on his face telling him just how bad it tasted, “I added a few medicinal herbs, so it tastes worse than usual, but it’ll help you regain your strength quicker.” Garret gave him a small drink from his wineskin, the water soothing Wyes’ parched throat.
“C… Ci…ble?” Wyes managed to croak. Garret looked at the ground for a few moments, and then looked up into Wyes’ eyes.
“It’s gone. There’s nothing left.”
“How?”
“The fire wasn’t natural, and it consumed everything. My guess is that Mawvaye sent his best mages to quickly deal with Cible. I didn’t think he’d dare send magic users when he’s forbidden the teaching of it, and they had to be powerful ones too. The only way they could’ve made it there that quickly was with a small group, no more than ten men. Rest now, we’ll see how you feel in the morning.”
Wyes wondered how he could still be tired, after four days of sleeping, but shortly after closing his eyes again, he was back in the nightmares.

*************************************************************

Wyes jerked awake and barely suppressed a scream. It was the same nightmare. Only he got a little closer to the end this time. He felt like vomiting, but there was nothing for him to bring up. He rolled onto his side and looked around. The fire had gone out some time ago, and it was just before dawn. He sighed and painfully dragged himself to a sitting position. Garret stirred a little, but didn’t wake. Wyes thought back to the dream, wondering what it could mean, and who those people were. It was always those four, with those weapons, with those abilities.
He resolved to ask Garret about it when he woke up, in the meantime he wanted to see the extent of the damage to his arm. He slowly peeled off the makeshift bandages, trying to ignore the pain. The last layer finally came off, and Wyes examined the wound. The skin was charred, and there appeared to be purple fluid seeping from it, he snorted as he realised it almost looked like leather.
The sound awoke Garret, who immediately reached into the folds of his blanket, before realising it was just Wyes.
“With a proper healer, I’m sure we can get it back to the way it was in no time.”
“Doesn’t matter.” Wyes preferred to use short answers, because it meant he didn’t have to think of anything creative and it didn’t irritate his still parched throat. Garret frowned, and then looked at the sky.
“It’ll be dawn soon, think you can walk?” He asked.
“I’ll try.”
“How’re the nightmares?” Wyes looked at him in surprise. “You’ve been tossing and turning since I found you.” Garret said, seeing the unasked question on Wyes’ face.
“They’re… strange. The same every night. Four men, killing people in Cible with swords and…” Wyes searched for the word to describe what he had seen, “devilry.” Garret stiffened a little and then nodded as if it were perfectly normal. He was using a small knife to carve a long shaft of wood, which Wyes had not noticed before.
“What’re you making?” Wyes asked slowly. Garret held the shaft out a little, and let Wyes examine it.
“I’m making a bow. Won’t be anything special, but it’ll do until we get to Salus.”
“The string?”
“That’s for me to know, and for you to find out.” Garret grinned as Wyes rolled his eyes.

***********************************************************

After another three days of travelling through grassy planes and sparse forests, for they had to abandon the roads to reach their destination swiftly, Wyes finally felt strong enough to walk unaided and carry his share of the supplies. This also meant that he would be able to go hunting with Garret, to test out the bow that Garret had finished the night before.
He still hadn’t told Wyes where he found the string, but he promised to tell Wyes while they were out hunting. Wyes had never liked secrets, and was irritated that his friend would play such a trivial game at a time like this. Garret had refused to let him use his burnt arm however, to many protests from Wyes, meaning that he would only be able to watch Garret hunt.
Wyes was standing behind Garret, as he notched an arrow that he had crafted the same morning, along with two others, and took aim at a small rabbit that they had found sitting near a log, licking a small gash on one of its foremost paws. The wound would attract larger predators, and fortunately, they had found it first. The arrow flew forwards and promptly ended the small animal’s life.
“And this, should help explain how I made the bow string.” Garret said, as he put the bow over his head so his hands were free. He made a strange gesture with both of his hands, making the rabbit fly to one, and the arrow to the other. Wyes gaped.

This was very good! I didn't catch the cliche that you were talking about. From the beginning I thought that it was going to be a love story between Wyes and Alexa...but then Alexa died. Er, it didn't say she died...but I'm guessing she did?

Very nice plot/story change and you demonstrated it very well. Who knew that a morning of practice could turn into a nightmare? Can't wait to read more now that I'm all caught up!

Keep it up!
~Rieda

Chapter Four – Tragedy is only the beginning

Wyes loathed working on the farm. He hated cleaning up the animal’s dung for them. He detested ploughing the fields and sowing the seeds for the crops. Wyes was definitely not a farmer. Garret had given him a taste of excitement, adventure, a taste of change.
The fact of the matter was that the extra work brought about by the higher taxes was driving him insane. They’d been at it for weeks, ploughing, sowing, feeding, and milking. If they did not produce enough before winter brought along the Taxman, they would not last.
Wyes collapsed into bed after another laborious day. Tomorrow the Taxman would come and they would have to hand over half of their produce. Sahtor and the rest of the town elders had been discussing their situation when Wyes had become bored and left. He didn’t care for their situation but he was only one man, and there was nothing he could do about it. And after three moons of extra work, he was beyond caring. He quickly fell into a deep slumber.

***********************************************************

Wyes awoke with a start, and find Alexa shaking him and yelling.
“I’ve been trying to wake you for so long I thought my hair would turn grey!” Alexa huffed.
“Uh… Wha? Wha’s goin’ on?” Wyes asked groggily.
“The whole town’s been woken, there’s a town meeting starting this morning, and we’re late!” Alexa exclaimed. Wyes sat there for a moment. “Well, what’re you waiting for?” Alexa asked.
“Well, unless you plan on watching me get dressed…” Wyes let the statement hang. Her eyes widened in realisation and she blushed. She quickly exited the room muttering apologies and trying not to turn around before she’d left the room.
After swiftly putting on some clothing, Wyes left his room and followed Alexa to the town square. Sahtor and a few of the elders were standing on the raised platform in the centre of the square.
“Ah, Wyes, nice to see you could finally make it.” Sahtor said, making Wyes turn red and stare at his feet. “As I’m sure most of you know, the taxes have been especially trying this season and to make up for it we’ve all had to work night and day to make enough to sustain ourselves! Well, we still do not have enough. When the Taxman comes, we will give him as much as we can spare, but it is only half of what they originally requested.” Sahtor looked over the crowd, watching them grasp the full meaning of what he had said.
The townspeople broke out into murmurs and started talking amongst themselves. Some people called out in protest, others in worry, and some in agreement.
“Well, isn’t this convenient. A welcoming committee!” Called an uncomfortably familiar voice from the side of the town square. The crowd turned to face the Taxman. His lips were drawn in the smirk that he was last seen with, and his attitude was no different.
“We do not have the produce to give you all you ask, but we can give you what we can spare.” Sahtor said slowly, trying to keep the man calm. The spindly man pondered this for a few moments, and then nodded.
“Bring it to my wagon at the gate.” He strode off in the direction of the town gate. There was an audible sound as the town let out the breath that none of them had realised they were holding. The men started carrying all of the necessary items to the Taxman’s wagon.


***********************************************************

Wyes sat quietly at Sahtor’s table, and thought. He had made up his mind after the Taxman had left that he would tell Alexa of his feelings for her, and depending on her reply ask Sahtor’s permission to court her. The problem was he couldn’t think of a way to tell her, and the fact that she was sitting at that very table with the rest of her family, and his mother was not helping. He knew he would have to get her alone to tell her, but he couldn’t think of a good way to do that either. Wyes decided he’d take a leap of faith, because if he didn’t do it now, he would never do it. Taking a deep breath, Wyes plucked up his courage and prepared himself for the worst.
“Alexa, could you come help me with something in my room after lunch?” Wyes asked, his courage quickly fading. Alexa looked up from her food and looked at him strangely.
“Of course I can,” She replied, “what do you need help with?”
“Well uh… Something’s fallen behind my bed and my arms are too big to fit.” Wyes improvised, and smiled hopefully.
After lunch, Wyes and Alexa walked to his room, and once she had entered, he closed the door behind her. Alexa looked at him questioningly.
“I need to tell you something…” Wyes said, trying not to look her in the eye.
“What is it?” Alexa asked.
“I uh… Well, I don’t know how to say this so I’ll just say it. I love you.” Wyes said, finally looking her in the eye. Alexa blinked. And then without warning, she stepped forward and kissed him. Wyes blinked. Twice. And then kissed her back.
“Does this mean you love me too?” Wyes asked, suddenly feeling scared.
“Of course it does you big oaf!” Alexa laughed. Wyes grinned and then remembered the second part of his plan.
“Uh, I’ll be back in a minute, I need to go talk to your father.” Wyes said a bit sheepishly. Wyes raced downstairs to the table in hopes of finding Sahtor, but he only found Cara.
“Where’s Sahtor?” Wyes panted.
“He just left to check on the animals. Why? What’s wrong dear?” Cara asked.
“Nothing, thanks!” Wyes said as he quickly ran outside. He quickly located Sahtor tending to the animals and ran up to him.
“Sah…tor…” Wyes puffed and panted, and doubled over trying to catch his breath.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” Sahtor asked, immediately looking around for any source of danger.
“N-nothing…” Wyes panted some more, and then finally took a deep breath in and tried to explain himself more coherently. “I just wanted to ask your permission, to court Alexa.” Wyes said, hopefully. Sahtor looked at him and blinked.
“Pardon me?” Sahtor asked, dumbfounded.
“Uh… Can I court Alexa?” Wyes repeated. Sahtor grinned.
“Yes, you can.” Sahtor said, and then his tone darkened, “But if you hurt my little girl, your life won’t be worth living.” Sahtor grabbed his shovel with both hands, emphasising his point. Wyes then remembered Garret, and quickly ran away again to the town gate.
“Halt!” Atantiv said, grinning. “Why are you in such a hurry?”
“She loves me! She loves me!” Wyes kept on repeating, practically bubbling with ecstasy. Atantiv looked at him as if he were possessed, but let him through the gate anyway. He bounded to Garret’s house and knocked on the door energetically.
“Who is it? Who’s dying?” Garret called out.
“It’s me!” Wyes exclaimed.
“You’re dying?” Garret asked, opening the door.
“She loves me! She loves me!” Wyes repeated. Garret grinned and hugged the younger man, nearly crushing his chest.
“Congratulations mate!” Garret said, releasing him from his death hold, “Now where is the lucky lady?”
“She’s… Oops.” Wyes said, his eyes widening. “I’ll be back tomorrow! Gotta run!”


***********************************************************

Wyes looked over Sahtor’s table, past Cara’s extravagant feast and smiled at Alexa. Throughout the week, he’d gotten to know her on a level he’d never thought possible before. Cara had prepared their huge meal in honour of their courtship. Sahtor uttered the evening prayer and then, after he had finished, everybody started piling food onto their plates. Aimee shook her head as her son as he stuffed his mouth with as much food as it could fit.
After Cara had swept away all of the scraps and taken away the plates the table chatter returned to its normal level. Cara and Aimee were talking about things that the townspeople had done, with Sahtor occasionally adding a word or two. Wyes looked at Alexa and grinned. He stood up and walked over to her, taking her hand in his and then slowly leading her to the door so they could spend more time together. Before they reached the door, Sahtor quickly called out for them to wait.
“I almost forgot. Wyes, Garret asked for you to visit him tonight, and that you’d need to bring your gift.” Sahtor informed Wyes, patted him on the shoulder, and then walked back to his wife. Wyes sighed.
“Do you mind if we don’t spend this evening together? Garret won’t want me to bring anyone with me for this.” Wyes asked. Alexa sighed.
“Okay, but I don’t expect to be left behind again.” She replied, giving him a death glare.
Wyes kissed her and then ran up to his room to grab the sword Garret had given him, and then swiftly made his way to Garret’s house.


***********************************************************

“Hurry up and get inside Wyes.” Whispered, peering out the door as if expecting someone to jump out of the darkness.
“What’s got you in such a state?” Wyes asked, walking in and closing the door behind him.
“We have too much to do and too little time for this.” Garret huffed, “If Mawvaye does what I think he’ll do, we have less than a week before all hell breaks loose.”
“Why? What are you talking about?” Wyes asked, utterly confused.
“The taxes… he’ll use Cible as an example. He will wipe the town out just to show everyone else what will happen if they don’t bend to his will.” Garret stated.
“What?!” Wyes straightened in shock, “How can he do that? What can we do?” Wyes started panicking, his breathing getting heavier, and his movements becoming erratic. “We have to warn them!” He shouted and got up to leave.
“I’ve already spoken with Sahtor about it. The fool refuses to leave. He thinks that if it comes down to a fight he’ll be able to win.” Garret said.
“I have to get my mother! And Alexa!” Wyes said.
“If he’s sending a large enough force to take a town then it’ll still be a few days before they arrive. In the meantime I need you to come train with me as often as you can in the next two or three days. If we need to run, or fight, you’ll need it.” Garret said.
“Can I go warn mother and Alexa?” Wyes asked, itching to return. Garret nodded.
Wyes raced out of the house and ran as fast as he could to the town gate. It was closed.
“Hello? Hey! Is there anyone there? I need to get in!” Wyes called out, hoping someone was on the other side. Silence. He pushed against the large wooden gate, hoping to get someone’s attention. He shook it a few times before stopping to listen. Nothing. Wyes got frustrated and struck the door with his foot, and quickly recoiled after the pain from his foot coursed up his leg.
After grumbling over being locked out, Wyes grudgingly limped back to Garret’s house. He knocked on Garret’s door, who promptly opened it.
“Back so soon?” Garret asked.
“They locked me out,” Wyes seethed, “Can I stay here for the night?”
“Sure, just means in the morning we can get to work sooner. I’ll explain it to Sahtor later.” Garret said.
“Thanks” Wyes mumbled.


***********************************************************

Wyes woke up tangled in a blanket, on Garret’s floor. It was still dark, but Garret was already preparing breakfast.
“Ungh… We’re leaving this early?” Wyes groaned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“Of course, this way we can get in more training.” Garret grinned, enjoying himself.
“Why am I doing this again?” Wyes asked.
“To increase your chances of survival if Cible is attacked.” Garret stated, matter-of-factly. Wyes grunted, and walked over to see what he was cooking. “Everything a growing body needs.” Garret said, answering his unasked question.
“Anything a growing body wants?” Wyes cringed at the less than pleasing look of the contents of the pot, hanging over the fire. Garret’s grin widened.
After eating their bowls of slop, and finding it surprisingly good, they set off for the forest. The feeling of foreboding returned to Wyes as they neared the border of the forest. He did not hesitate this time. They continued much as they had the last time, with Garret showing him certain techniques, then testing them, and repeating this process until Wyes slowly adapted to the situations Garret put him in. He still could not get close to touching Garret, but was holding him off for slightly longer each time. They had a quick breather, before they continued. Wyes let himself collapse onto the ground and looked up at the sky, trying to catch his breath and relieve his sore limbs. He watched the skies, the clouds floating past as if they didn’t have a care in the world. He noticed one dark cloud, and wondered why it was so out of place. It seemed to be coming from the ground, and was moving too fast to be a cloud. He bolted upright in realisation.
“Smoke! There’s smoke!” Wyes cried, his exhaustion soon forgotten as he jumped to his feet. He knew what was happening, though his mind tried to deny it. He ran towards the source of the smoke.
“Wyes! Wait!” Garret called out, struggling to catch up to him. They scrambled through the dense underbrush that was desperately trying to snare them, and dodged through the trees. Wyes knew what he would find.
‘No, maybe there was just a fire near Cible. Maybe they’ve decided to burn all the rotted wood.’ His mind continued providing him with reasonable explanations.
They broke through the final line of trees and Wyes saw his worst fear unfolding before his eyes. Cible was in flames. The tongues of orange lapped up the town, leaving nothing behind but black, death, and destruction. Wyes cried out in horror and denial. He continued his race to the town, not stopping even though his lungs begged for a reprieve. He had long since left Garret behind, but he raced through the burning gates to Cible, not caring if he was trapped. He heard no screaming, no moaning, nothing. There was nothing but the roar of the flames.
He didn’t stop searching, never stopped searching. He found countless bodies, some consumed by the fire, some who had bled to death. He found some with missing heads, some who had been stabbed through the heart. He made his way to Sahtor’s home, dreading what he would find. The house was in ruins, the fire having already having laid waste to it. He ran around the house and found Sahtor. He couldn’t bear to look at his ruined form. Wyes saw Cara lying further ahead, in a similar state. He felt tears come to his eyes, but he kept on. He had to find her. He reached the animal pens and cried out in pain. He had found them. He looked at his mother’s broken body, and he started to cry. Wyes moved on to Alexa, and rested his head against hers and wept. Her clothes had been torn from her body and she was covered with bruises.
The fire spread to the animal pens, but Wyes did not care. Nothing mattered to him anymore. He felt like his heart had been wrenched from his chest, leaving a gaping wound.

The translations will be in a glossary at the back of the book. And those those rings are what you'd attach to your belt, yes, but I think the description I've used still works.

And yeah, after I wrote that and read back I thought it was very Eragon like... Some of this is very influenced by Eragon, but as the story progresses it'll move further away from that path.

I won't double space my paragraphs because I do actually want to get this published, the problem is the forum doesn't support the tab space which I use at the beginning of each of my paragraphs in Word.

P.S. It's Brom who teaches Eragon, not Garrow.

“True enough, but ye forget I have years of experience on my side mate

the feegli dy mayali!”

his serpentine voice weaving through the crowd

with brown shoulder length hair and brown eyes approached

greying brown hair, brown eyes,

Wye was discovering just how interesting his boots could be, upon closer inspection.

but you uh… Distracted me.”

being just a black

and the rings that Wyes imagined one would use for attaching the sword to their person

Sahtor would probably lecture you,”

The first part was very good. I am only reading the first chapter at the moment. But I am already intrigued. However, don’t you think that Alexa’s father was a little bit trusting? Maybe they all live a quite life and there is no reason for complete distrust. But after all, he is a complete stranger! Maybe rethink that a little. You don’t need to change it, it’s just a hint, but it’s there all the same!

Wyes hungrily spooned down his stew, as only a small child could.

Chapter Three – Of Sword and Man

Wyes knocked on Garret’s door and was surprised when it swung open almost immediately.
“Bah, I thought you would’ve been here ages ago!” Garret said, stepping outside and closing the door behind him.
“Hey, unlike some people I actually had work to do.” Wyes defended.
“Come on then, no use crying over it now.” Garret teased as he started the hike to the forest in the late morning sun.
As the forest neared, Wyes began to feel nervous. He had never been this far from the town before, let alone into the forest. His heart began racing and his hand automatically went to the hilt in his jacket. He looked at Garret to see if he was having a similar reaction, but he seemed fine.
Finally, they reached the border of the forest, after what seemed like a lifetime to Wyes. Garret walked right in, unphazed. Wyes stood at the border and looked in, trying to shake off the feeling of foreboding.
“Come on! We’ve already lost enough time as it is.” Garret called from beyond the curtain of trees. Wyes took a deep breath and plunged into the forest. Garret ploughed ahead, unhindered by the dense foliage.
After a short while, and many scratches, they finally made it to a small clearing. Garret walked to the centre of the clearing, to a small circle of stones. Wyes’ skin tingled as he neared the stones.
“This is one of the first things I discovered when I came here, and for a long time it has been my sanctuary.” Garret spoke, as he slowly slipped off his coat and placed it on the ground. He motioned Wyes to do the same. Wyes prepared himself for the bite of the cold, and slowly slipped his jacket off and laid it next to Garret’s.
“Won’t we freeze in this cold?” Wyes asked, rubbing his arms for warmth.
“You’ll soon be grateful for the cold,” Garret said, almost sagely, “it’ll make today a lot easier for your first time.” He slowly moved his legs apart slightly, and began reaching for his toes. Wyes copied him, and found that unlike Garret, he had to struggle and strain to reach his ankles.
“Don’t force yourself too far, or you’ll strain something and this’ll all be for naught.” Garret said, and went into another pose that Wyes found incredibly difficult to mimic. After his fair share of grunting and groaning, Wyes got fed up and stood back up.
“What’s the point of this? You told me you were going to teach me to use a sword, not to dance!” Wyes huffed. Garret let out a great guffaw, and almost doubled over.
“What? What’s so funny?” Wyes demanded.
“Your ignorance! You have no idea what I’m doing, and bloody funny to watch…” Garret wiped a tear from his cheek and took a few deep breaths, “If we don’t stretch like this, when you try to swing a sword around you’ll injure your arm, and won’t be able to use it.”
“I’m not going to have time to do this before a fight!” Wyes looked at him as if he was a hermit too long removed from civilization.
“Of course not. But if you do this every time you practice, you avoid injuring yourself during practice, and it will decrease the risk of doing it in a real fight too,” Garret explained, “but I think that will do for today… Let’s move onto the more exciting stuff shall we?” Wyes grinned. Garret reached into his coat and pulled out a long sword of a similar make to Wyes’ own sword. Wyes also retrieved his sword.
“We’ll start you off with the basics. For starters, a sword like this is meant to be used with one hand, leaving your second hand free to do whatever you may wish.” Garret paused while Wyes readjusted his grip and strained a bit under it’s weight. “Eventually the weight will be comfortable to you, and it will feel like an extension of your arm rather than a piece of metal. Now…” Garret continued teaching as thus for the next few hours, slowly moving from one move to the next, occasionally moving one of Wyes’ feet or bending his elbow in a certain way. And finally, after hours of gruelling twisting and turning, Garret allowed him to rest.
“Not bad for a beginner. Next we’ll move onto sparring, but until you are much more experienced we’ll be using wooden staves,” Garret said, “otherwise you’re likely to cut off your own foot, mate.” Garret added seeing Wyes’ venomous look.
After searching through some nearby trees for a few minutes, Garret found a few choice branches and cut them down with a knife from his boot. After Wyes’ questioning look, he merely shrugged and replied, “Better prepared than dead.” After slicing off a few twigs and a quick run down with the knife, their staves were ready. Garret tossed one to Wyes and stepped into a ready stance.
Wyes fumbled with his stave for a few seconds before finally getting a good grip, and moving into the same ready stance Garret was using. After taking a few steps towards Garret, Wyes lunged with an overhead swing that was promptly parried and soon found himself on the defensive, trying to ward off Garret’s relentless attack with his limited knowledge.
After retreating from the onslaught of the wooden stave, Wyes soon found himself backed up against a tree and disarmed.
“Not bad, not bad at all, but remember your enemy will always take advantage of your hesitations.” Garret said, not even having broken a sweat.
“I still lost…” Wyes murmured sounding disappointed.
“True enough, but ye forget I have years of experience on my side mate, it’ll be a long time before you can hold me off for long.” Garret said. “But in the meantime, no harm in trying is there?”

*************************************************************

Wyes walked back through the gates into Cible, tired and sore. He was so stiff from all of the things Garret put him through that he could barely walk. After clearing the gates, he soon discovered a gathering of townspeople in the town centre. They were all staring towards a strange man with long spindly limbs, and a face that looked more like a skull with pale skin drawn over it. He was wearing a smirk on that skin, and it made Wyes feel uneasy.
Stalking to the back of the crowd, his weariness forgotten, he tried to discern who the man was and what he was doing here.
“What’s going on?” Wyes asked the elder man standing next to him, who was grinding his jaw in fury.
“They’re upping the taxes the feegli dy mayali!” The man swore. Wyes was taken aback at the man’s language, and wondered how bad it must be for him to use such a strong curse. After worming his way through to the front of the crowd, Wyes saw Sahtor standing in front of the man, clenched fists looking like small boulders.
“How can you expect us to keep up with such ridiculous demands? We would not make enough to support ourselves!” Sahtor shouted furiously.
“You’ll just have to work harder then, won’t you?” The slender man said, his serpentine voice weaving through the crowd. “It is not my fault if your…” He paused to search for the word he was looking for, “Village is too useless to meet King Mawvaye’s reasonable requirements.”
“This is outrageous! You will not hear the end of this!” Sahtor roared. The man backed away, scared of his sudden ferocity.
“It is not my problem to deal with.” He said, and quickly ran back to the stables where he had left his horse.
“Mawdyer les Deeu!” Sahtor swore again, and spun around to face the crowd. “We must try to pay the taxes…” He forced out, seething, “The cost of not doing so could be worse.” The townspeople groaned and mumbled amongst themselves, before they finally began returning to their respective homes and businesses.
Sahtor spotted Wyes and quickly strode across the town square to meet Wyes. Sahtor cast a critical eye over the buildings, none of which were very grand or large.
“We’ll have to work harder to keep up with these taxes, we’ll need you to help with more tasks around the house, and not run off with Garret so often.” Sahtor said.
“How much are they asking for?” Wyes asked, trying to keep the shock out of his voice. He hadn’t realised that Sahtor knew of his daily ventures to Garret’s hut.
“Three eighths.” Sahtor muttered.
“What?! How can they ask for that much?” Wyes exclaimed, outraged.
“It’s to be expected… The times before Mawvaye were easier. You were only seven winters old when he became King, if you could call it that…” Sahtor trailed off.
“What do you mean?” Wyes asked
“I mean that he hasn’t got a drop of royal blood in him, he usurped and killed the last King. No idea where he came from. Wasn’t ever a Lord, nothing, just appeared out of the Ether,” Sahtor explained, “Now, we better get to work right away.” It was at this moment, Wyes’ sore muscles decided they needed to complain to him about the work they had already done today and he groaned.

Chapter Two - Entanglements

A lanky young man in his late teens, with brown shoulder length hair and brown eyes approached a small house, just outside of the wall of Cible. The house was more like a shack, with only two rooms, but never the less it was a very well built dwelling. The young man knocked on the door, and crossed his arms impatiently.
“Who is it?” A gruff voice called from inside.
“Who do you think it is?” The young man replied, the grin on his face reaching his voice.
“Wyes! Give me a moment, mate.” Wyes heard sounds of things being moved forcefully, and things crashing against walls and the floor, and then finally the door was opened to reveal a grinning man with long greying brown hair, brown eyes, who was looking down at Wyes.
“Garret! Nice to see you again, how long has it been? A day?” Wyes said, taking the older man in an embrace that was returned heartily.
“What brings you to my humble abode?” Garret asked, ushering Wyes inside.
“Humble? You have the smallest, yet most expensive house in all of Cible, there's nothing humble about it!” Wyes said jokingly, and then sighed, “And I'm here for your advice.”
“Let me guess... Alexa?” Garret asked, grinning. Wye was discovering just how interesting his boots could be, upon closer inspection.
“Yeah...” Wyes muttered. Garret walked over to the fireplace and started a fire to ward off the cold bite of the evening.
“Come on then, take a seat.” Garret cleared a bunch of books off of a chair and placed them on the floor nearby. After getting comfortable, Garret turned to the younger man, “Alright, so tell me about it.” He said, his tone serious.
“Well, I don’t know… I guess, that uh, I love her. I just don’t know what to do about it, what if she doesn’t love me back?” Wyes asked, playing with a thread that had come loose on his jacket.
“That’s the biggest worry of many men, and there’s really only one way to find out the answer. You’re going to have to pluck up the courage and ask her yourself, mate.” Garret said sagely.
“Well, great… What about you, were you ever married?” Wyes asked, desperately trying to change the subject to avoid any further embarrassment. Garret looked into the fire, and was silent for a time, his thoughts lost in the flames. Wyes sat quietly, and pondered asking him again. But before he could make up his mind Garret muttered, slowly “Once, a long time ago…” Wyes watched him, and could have sworn he saw tears in Garret’s eyes, but when he looked back towards Wyes they were gone.
“Well, I best be getting back… Sahtor might lock me out if I don’t get back soon. Thank you for the advice.” Wyes said, patting Garret on the shoulder as he stood.
“Anytime, mate, anytime.” Garret said, with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Wyes walked back outside, and let the night chill refresh his dulled senses. He could walk back to Sahtor’s house and sleep, but he knew that he couldn’t chance meeting Alexa there yet. He sighed and decided that what he told Garret was true; Sahtor would lock him out if he didn’t return home soon.
“Wyes! Wait, I wanted to give you this, but you uh… Distracted me.” Garret exclaimed, walking out of his house carrying something covered with old rags. “I found this when I was cleaning out some old junk, I don’t have any need for it anymore and I thought you might like it.”
“What is it?” Wyes asked, as Garret walked over to him and handed him the bundle. He almost dropped it, not expecting it to be so heavy.
“Why don’t you find out?” Garret said, his lip twitching at the corner. Wyes looked at him, and then back to the bundle, and slowly started pulling away the rags. He admired the sword that he found under all of the rags, looking at the scabbard first. It was well made, intended for wear and tear, rather than ceremonial purposes, being just a black aside from the gold rings at the throat of the scabbard and the rings that Wyes imagined one would use for attaching the sword to their person. After he had finished examining the scabbard, he drew the sword and examined the blade, looking at the slightly notched edges and the fuller running down the centre. The hilt had been made to accommodate a hand slightly larger than his, but it still was comfortable to hold. The cross guard appeared to be painted gold, but like the blade, there were small nicks in the paint where the metal underneath was revealed. The grip was bound in leather that appeared well worn, but was still quite durable, and the pommel was adorned with patterns engraved into it of a flame twisting around it like a serpent.
“I’ve never seen a sword of this quality before! It must have cost you a fortune!” Wyes exclaimed, shocked at receiving such a valuable gift.
“Of course you’ve never seen a sword like this before, you live in the middle of nowhere,” Garret teased, “and it didn’t cost me anything, it belonged to a close friend of mine… Bare it well.”
“But what am I supposed to do with it? This is no ceremonial sword.” Wyes asked.
“If you’d like, I can start teaching you how to use it whenever we have some spare time,” he offered as he started wrapping the sword back up in the tags, “but whatever you do don’t let Sahtor or your mother know I gave it to you… They’d murder me in my sleep.” Wyes snorted at this and said, “I’m sure my mother would… Sahtor would probably lecture you,” Wyes stuffed the sword into his jacket. He made sure it wouldn’t fall out before returning his attention to Garret, “I’d love to learn how to use it! But where can we do it without anyone finding out?” Wyes asked.
“In the forest, of course. I’m sure the hunters won’t tell Sahtor.” Garret said, matter-of-factly. Wyes’s eyes bulged, and he gave Garret a look of horror.
“Are you insane? Who knows what could be in there!” Wyes exclaimed, glancing towards the forest that began a few kilometres away from the town. Garret looked at him and winked. Without another word, he turned around and walked back to his house, closing the door.


Wyes woke up the next day and immediately looked towards his wardrobe, where he had stashed the sword that Garret had given him the night before. He felt all of the excitement from the previous night build up inside him again, and he quickly got out of bed and got dressed. He quickly opened his door, eager to get to breakfast so he could get his jobs done quickly, and go see if Garret was ready. However, immediately after leaving his room he ran into Alexa. Literally.
“Whoa! Having fun down there on the floor?” He asked, reaching his hand down to Alexa, who he had just knocked over.
“Yeah, I was having a great time. Thanks for asking,” Alexa said, glaring at him, “in a bit of a hurry this morning are we?”
“Just having a good day.” Wyes replied, with a big grin on his face. Alexa looked at him as if he were crazy.
“Have fun then.” She said, swiped his feet out from under him with an evil grin, and then walked away.
Wyes looked at her retreating form and shook his head. He promptly got up off the floor and followed her to the kitchen, where Cara was already serving up breakfast. After quickly wolfing down his food, and almost being sick in the process, Wyes finally left the house and made his way to the animal pens.
After all the animals had been fed, the eggs had been collected and the manure had been stacked for later use, Wyes made his way back to Sahtor’s home. He rinsed his hands in the small pool of water by the door, and then rushed to his room to get changed into more appropriate attire.
After he had finished all of his chores, he was free to do whatever he wished for the rest of the day. And Wyes already knew exactly what he wanted to do. He briskly made way to his room, retrieved the sword from its hiding place and promptly left for the town gate. He dodged strange glances from the townsfolk, and made it to the gate checkpoint.
“Little early for you to be going out, isn’t it Wyes?” The current sentry, Atantiv asked.
“Garret wanted me to help him with something, so he asked me to come early.” Wyes said, hoping Atantiv would be convinced.
“Fair enough, through yah go,” The older man replied, drawing back the bar on the gate and opening it, “But be careful, if any bandits or other such nasties come, we won’t be able to let yah back in and you won’t have the protection of the walls.”
“It’ll be alright, thanks Atantiv.” Wyes said quickly, eager to get to Garret. He put his hand on where the sword was resting in his jacket to hold it in place, and set off at a slow run to Garret’s house.

Great start but just add more detail, remember "Simplicity in detail", and just continue writing! GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Chapter Two - Entanglements

A lanky young man in his late teens, with brown shoulder length hair and brown eyes approached a small house, just outside of the wall of Cible. The house was more like a shack, with only two rooms, but never the less it was a very well built dwelling. The young man knocked on the door, and crossed his arms impatiently.
“Who is it?” A gruff voice called from inside.
“Who do you think it is?” The young man replied, the grin on his face reaching his voice.
“Wyes! Give me a moment, mate.” Wyes heard sounds of things being moved forcefully, and things crashing against walls and the floor, and then finally the door was opened to reveal a grinning man with long greying brown hair, brown eyes, who was looking down at Wyes.
“Garret! Nice to see you again, how long has it been? A day?” Wyes said, taking the older man in an embrace that was returned heartily.
“What brings you to my humble abode?” Garret asked, ushering Wyes inside.
“Humble? You have the smallest, yet most expensive house in all of Cible, there's nothing humble about it!” Wyes said jokingly, and then sighed, “And I'm here for your advice.”
“Let me guess... Alexa?” Garret asked, grinning. Wye was discovering just how interesting his boots could be, upon closer inspection.
“Yeah...” Wyes muttered. Garret walked over to the fireplace and started a fire to ward off the cold bite of the evening.
“Come on then, take a seat.” Garret cleared a bunch of books off of a chair and placed them on the floor nearby. After getting comfortable, Garret turned to the younger man, “Alright, so tell me about it.” He said, his tone serious.
“Well, I don’t know… I guess, that uh, I love her. I just don’t know what to do about it, what if she doesn’t love me back?” Wyes asked, playing with a thread that had come loose on his jacket.
“That’s the biggest worry of many men, and there’s really only one way to find out the answer. You’re going to have to pluck up the courage and ask her yourself, mate.” Garret said sagely.
“Well, great… What about you, were you ever married?” Wyes asked, desperately trying to change the subject to avoid any further embarrassment. Garret looked into the fire, and was silent for a time, his thoughts lost in the flames. Wyes sat quietly, and pondered asking him again. But before he could make up his mind Garret muttered, slowly “Once, a long time ago…” Wyes watched him, and could have sworn he saw tears in Garret’s eyes, but when he looked back towards Wyes they were gone.
“Well, I best be getting back… Sahtor might lock me out if I don’t get back soon. Thank you for the advice.” Wyes said, patting Garret on the shoulder as he stood.
“Anytime, mate, anytime.” Garret said, with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Wyes walked back outside, and let the night chill refresh his dulled senses. He could walk back to Sahtor’s house and sleep, but he knew that he couldn’t chance meeting Alexa there yet. He sighed and decided that what he told Garret was true; Sahtor would lock him out if he didn’t return home soon.
“Wyes! Wait, I wanted to give you this, but you uh… Distracted me.” Garret exclaimed, walking out of his house carrying something covered with old rags. “I found this when I was cleaning out some old junk, I don’t have any need for it anymore and I thought you might like it.”
“What is it?” Wyes asked, as Garret walked over to him and handed him the bundle. He almost dropped it, not expecting it to be so heavy.
“Why don’t you find out?” Garret said, his lip twitching at the corner. Wyes looked at him, and then back to the bundle, and slowly started pulling away the rags. He admired the sword that he found under all of the rags, looking at the scabbard first. It was well made, intended for wear and tear, rather than ceremonial purposes, being just a black aside from the gold rings at the throat of the scabbard and the rings that Wyes imagined one would use for attaching the sword to their person. After he had finished examining the scabbard, he drew the sword and examined the blade, looking at the slightly notched edges and the fuller running down the centre. The hilt had been made to accommodate a hand slightly larger than his, but it still was comfortable to hold. The blade appeared to be painted gold, but like the blade, there were small nicks in the paint where the metal underneath was revealed. The grip was bound in leather that appeared well worn, but was still quite durable, and the pommel was adorned with patterns engraved into it of a flame twisting around it like a serpent.
“I’ve never seen a sword of this quality before! It must have cost you a fortune!” Wyes exclaimed, shocked at receiving such a valuable gift.
“Of course you’ve never seen a sword like this before, you live in the middle of nowhere,” Garret teased, “and it didn’t cost me anything, it belonged to a close friend of mine… Bare it well.”
“But what am I supposed to do with it? This is no ceremonial sword.” Wyes asked.
“If you’d like, I can start teaching you how to use it whenever we have some spare time,” he offered as he started wrapping the sword back up in the tags, “but whatever you do don’t let Sahtor or your mother know I gave it to you… They’d murder me in my sleep.” Wyes snorted at this and said, “I’m sure my mother would… Sahtor would probably lecture you,” Wyes stuffed the sword into his jacket. He made sure it wouldn’t fall out before returning his attention to Garret, “I’d love to learn how to use it! But where can we do it without anyone finding out?” Wyes asked.
“In the forest, of course. I’m sure the hunters won’t tell Sahtor.” Garret said, matter-of-factly. Wyes’s eyes bulged, and he gave Garret a look of horror.
“Are you insane? Who knows what could be in there!” Wyes exclaimed, glancing towards the forest that began a few kilometres away from the town. Garret looked at him and winked. Without another word, he turned around and walked back to his house, closing the door.

********************************************************

Wyes woke up the next day and immediately looked towards his wardrobe, where he had stashed the sword that Garret had given him the night before. He felt all of the excitement from the previous night build up inside him again, and he quickly got out of bed and got dressed. He quickly opened his door, eager to get to breakfast so he could get his jobs done quickly, and go see if Garret was ready. However, immediately after leaving his room he ran into Alexa. Literally.
“Whoa! Having fun down there on the floor?” He asked, reaching his hand down to Alexa, who he had just knocked over.
“Yeah, I was having a great time. Thanks for asking,” Alexa said, glaring at him, “in a bit of a hurry this morning are we?”
“Just having a good day.” Wyes replied, with a big grin on his face. Alexa looked at him as if he were crazy.
“Have fun then.” She said, and swiped his feet out from under him with an evil grin, and then walked away.

Yes time has passed, and to be honest I couldn't think of a good way to super impose text on the reader's imagination that says "Ten years later". If anyone has some suggestions as to how I can imply time has passed without just describing an older character (and preferably without making chapter One a prologue) it would be greatly appreciated.

I like where it's going now. But there's just one thing, has time passed between the chapters? Wyes is described as in his late teens in Chapter Two, but as a child in the first one. I think if time has passed it should be communicated a little better. But that's it for me really, I like it so far.

Chapter Two - Entanglements

A lanky young man in his late teens, with brown shoulder length hair and brown eyes approached a small house, just outside of the wall of Cible. The house was more like a shack, with only two rooms, but never the less it was a very well built dwelling. The young man knocked on the door, and crossed his arms impatiently.
"Who is it?" A gruff voice called from inside.
"Who do you think it is?" The young man replied, the grin on his face reaching his voice.
"Wyes! Give me a moment." Wyes heard sounds of things being moved forcefully, and things crashing against walls and the floor, and then finally the door was opened to reveal a grinning man with long greying brown hair, brown eyes, who was looking down at Wyes.
"Garret! Nice to see you again, how long has it been? A day?" Wyes said, taking the older man in an embrace that was returned heartily.
"What brings you to my humble abode?" Garret asked, ushering Wyes inside.
"Humble? You have the smallest, yet most expensive house in all of Cible, there's nothing humble about it!" Wyes said jokingly, and then sighed, "And I'm here for your advice."
"Let me guess... Alexa?" Garret asked, grinning. Wyes was discovering just how interesting his boots could be, upon closer inspection.
"Yeah..." Wyes muttered. Garret walked over to the fireplace and started a fire to ward off the cold bite of the evening.
"Come on then, take a seat." Garret cleared a bunch of books off of a chair and placed them on the floor nearby.

Ooo, this is a very interesting plot so far. I like how you started out. That was cute. lol

And you can add action to this! It would be really easy to just continue on and then add conclicts along the way (I say easy because it's not at all impossible though of course work is always needed). Though I worry, large conflicts will enter too soon as happens with many other stories. Don't rush into it at all, this is already interesting and has many options as to where it could go. Hope this was at least a little helpful.

Can't wait to read and review more!
~Rieda

love those kobolds....

It's good. A interesting start, but I need to see more.
As you were saying about action? It isn't needed yet. Many great stories just begins with a child in a village/castle/hut and gets better from there.
looking for more...

This has been updated. Chapter one is finished, enjoy! Criticism would be appreciated!

First of all, the prologue is like a script description of a guy. Seeing as you're not doing a screenplay, drop it. It's more interesting in the first chapter anyway.

The first chapter... I would prefer to know more about Wyes. Is he old, young, or what? But I definitely like the mud fight. It's original and cute. ^_^;;

Nightshade077 wrote:Green = Suggested Correction

, oh how he rembered remembered

and sent him spawling sprawling onto his back

Silly mistakes! Seriously, the best things you can do before you post (even if you don't feel like it, damnit!) is to one, Spell Check and two, read over it.

As to the story as a whole, it doesn't really get me that interested so far.
However, I have to say it's a little early to be saying much about it as a whole anyway. I'll be around when more's added.

Green = Suggested Correction

, oh how he rembered remembered

and sent him spawling sprawling onto his back

fantasy is gooooooooooooooooood!

Nah, I love it. Not too much description either. That always annoys me.
I'm not one to go through and pick out grammer errors, so I'll leave that to someone else.

hurry up and write the next bit I want to know what happened to that guy

Meh all I can say that it is ok for now. Need to see more of the story for me to come up with a comment.